Cognitive Dissonance of Receiving Treatment for Yourself

Author Name: Ms. N (Pseudonym)

Profession: Medical Student

Submitted On: September 21st, 2020

"I’m a medical student who is currently undergoing therapy for depression. I had always been a big supporter of those with mental health disorders, and even hope to become a psychiatrist, but I recently experienced a profound event that caused me to question how I perceive mental health issues within my field.

Recently, I told my therapist how my depression was getting worse, and she recommended that I start trying antidepressant medications. My gut instinct caused me to recoil and immediately take that option off the table. Knowing that I was going into medicine, and specifically interested in psychiatry, she asked me a question: “why are you so against taking medicine yourself if you are going into a job in which you will be prescribing them to your future patients? Wouldn’t you want for yourself what you would want for your future patients?” I was speechless with cognitive dissonance. On one hand I believed in medicine and its ability to make a difference in patients, but on the other hand I didn’t want them for myself because I thought it’d make me less competent as a caretaker, or perhaps less worthy of the title of doctor. I was also afraid that if licensing boards would ask for my records, they would view a case that required medication to be more serious than one that didn’t. I’m not too familiar with how strict they are but I just wanted everything to point to a less serious condition if they do discover my mental health conditions. I would think that a lot of other future and current doctors have the same thinking as I do, and I can see how this kind of thinking can be problematic: if this field is meant to heal others then why does its culture prevent its own healing? At this point I’m still not sure what I want to do but what is clear is that this discussion is one that needs to be had in the wider medical community."

We appreciate the opportunity to share stories like these with our community, with the goal of destigmatizing the struggles faced within the medical field.