Feeling Alone in Academic Struggles

Profession: Pre-Medical Student

Submitted On: October 28th, 2020

Trigger Warnings: depression

"I’m a pre-med student and recent graduate. I remember going into college knowing fully well I wanted to pursue medicine and I also knew it wouldn’t be easy as I’d seen plenty of family/friends go through the process. Even with that knowledge I was determined to get through it, and yet what I didn’t expect was how much my mental health would be impacted within that determination to succeed. The idea of self compassion, of taking a breather, or of looking after yourself was never on my mind. In my head if I wasn’t struggling or pushing myself, then I wasn’t trying hard enough and that would mean inevitable failure. If I had to ask for help, when it seemed like everyone was doing well, then I clearly wasn’t smart enough. Self comparison in a competitive track like pre med was slowly chipping away at my self esteem and ability to continue in the face of what felt like multiple failures in pre reqs. I started to believe the words I was telling myself, that I wasn’t good enough or that there was something wrong with me. These thoughts, coupled with a chronic illness I was facing, were overwhelming me. It took an emergency trip to the ED and finally opening up to a therapist as well as my parents to get diagnosed with depression. Mental health issues can creep up on us and build like a pressure cooker until they burst. Reminding myself of who I am and my value through therapy, open communication with loved ones, and regular check ins with myself has been the key to getting to the place I am and further allowing me to still chase the dream without intense suffering in the process."

We appreciate the opportunity to share stories like these with our community, with the goal of destigmatizing the struggles faced within the medical field.